It’s high time customers adjusted!


Governor’s log, corpdate 2010. As we are orbiting around the quarterly corporate event of a Fortune 500 company, a workshop on process optimization and the best path to “delighted customers” is taking place.

The company strategic multi-year-plan insists on the concept of “customer first” and the firm has entirely re-organized its whole workforce in this respect. In the middle of the workshop, a Vice-President in charge of back office operations for Europe, the actual engine room whose customers are half the company’s operational managers, declares:  “everyone constantly talks about how suppliers should adjust to customers. But it’s high time our customers were to adjust to their suppliers’ processes, really!

Silence in the room. No one says anything. The wind has died outside and the birds keep shut. Even the soft humming noise of the beamer is no longer: the world is holding its breath.

Then the penny drops so subtly into the crust of the Earth, 5 million years from now a team of extrasolar archeologists will consider it a serious factor in the extinction of the human race: they are here, amongst us and they have taken human form. Their purpose: climb the corporate ladder and destroy value in the process, feeding on employees’ desperation. They are around you so open your eyes or you will be assimilated.

They are the Corporatchiks.

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